The fuse is lit

This just needs to be said. And it will contain several swear words. An issue that has been ongoing from my team crossed over to my blog today here in the comments and frankly, I am not a person that you want to push around. My fuse was lit today after a few weeks of trying to work through a lot of different issues and that’s that.

I am a nice person. I am polite. I practice the golden rule. I help my family and friends. If you need something, I will do whatever I can to help you. I am not an asshole. If you’re an asshole, I’m going to tell you. If you think I am asshole, than you are either misinformed or you were the asshole first and don’t realize it.

I think words speak pretty loudly and can be powerful weapons. I think actions speak much louder than words. I think people who use anger to solve problems will never solve their biggest problem. I think fear and self-doubt poison us. I think if someone says they are going to do something, than they should do it. I don’t like owing people anything. I don’t like people who take but don’t give. I might be a small female, but if you are a bully, I am going to kick your damn ass and you are going to feel it.

I am smart. I am an athlete. I like sports. I don’t like games. I believe that honesty is the best policy. I believe in God. I believe in love. I cry at news reports about broken homes or violence. I think warm sunny days on a rugby field followed by cold beers and a brat or burger may be one of the best ways to spend a day in the whole world. I love gardens, the beach and good food. I love my family. And after my family, I love my friends and my teammates. And if you are my family, my friend or my teammate, then I will be there for you always but you must do the same, not just for me but for all of your family, friends and teammates.

I make mistakes. I have lied. I have cheated. I have not tried my hardest. I have felt guilt and pain and sadness that have made life seem like a waste. I have lost closes friends to young deaths. I have given up. I have felt deep despair. But I always rise. I always try again even if I don’t want to. There is always a tomorrow in my world and no matter how many times I try to see that the glass is empty, part of me always knows that it is partly full. And I am sorry that others can’t see this. I am truly sorry.

I have heroes and role models. And they are people just like you and me. People. Humans with human strengths and weaknesses. And that is why they are my heroes.

Don’t expect me to know what it’s like to walk in your shoes. Just expect me to listen. And if I’m not listening, than tell me. But don’t come into my world and my life and spread negativity. It has no place here. Negativity breeds negativity. Emotions are good, emotions are human. Anger is human. I am angry right now. I am human. But my anger is my own and I am not going to turn it against someone else. My emotions don’t control me and they are not weapons. But negativity is a weapon. And it is a bully. And like I already said, I don’t like bullies. Don’t be a bully.

Thank fucking god I left some chips ahoy cookies by my computer because now that I wrote this and I’m no longer quite as angry, I’m hungry. Hangry.

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4 Comments

Filed under Blondie: my thoughts

4 responses to “The fuse is lit

  1. brooke

    Hey Blondie,

    Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely know how you feel. I, too, am an administrator and it is generally an exhausting, frustrating and thankless job.

    We spend tons of time organizing fields, refs, matches, schedules, fundraisers, budgets and recruiting and then, once that’s all done, we have to cajole and convince and beg our team members to show up reliably and participate wholeheartedly. And then, of course, a couple of those team members who can’t even be bothered to show up at fundraisers, much less put in the sort of time, effort and energy that their officers do, start bitching and whining about how the people who are doing all the work have done it all wrong. Don’t get me wrong, some players are great – reliable, hard-working, appreciative and cooperative – but those couple players with bad attitudes can make an administrator’s life hell.

    I wish I had some solution to offer, but I don’t. These things seem to happen on every team and its always frustrating and exhausting. I definitely know how you feel. If its any consolation, from what I’ve seen on your blog I think you’ve done a great job not only administrating your team, but dealing with a rude, immature and unappreciative team member’s bad attitude. Keep it up! I’m sure the rest of your team appreciates your hard work, even if they don’t tell you that out loud very often.

    For all of you players who read this blog – make sure you tell your administrators how much you appreciate them and try, whenever possible, to be that reliable, cooperative player that makes our lives easier instead of harder 🙂

  2. Anonymous

    “For all of you players who read this blog – make sure you tell your administrators how much you appreciate them and try, whenever possible, to be that reliable, cooperative player that makes our lives easier instead of harder”

    I was going to say the same thing, I hope the half dedicated players will read these comments and kick their butt in gear.

    The only things that keeps me going as an admin (past. I get this year off) is that I want to play rugby and so I try to focus on me playing rugby. I can’t play by myself, and so I must sweat off the field as well to keep the other 14 around.
    And I try to remember the other dedicated players. They want to play as well.

  3. rachel

    blondie – i like this post a lot. i feel like everyone should take time to write this kind of self-reflective rant!

  4. Blondie

    I gotta admit, it was tad therapeutic. I should turn it into a game of tag and pass it on …

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