But the phrase “cool beans” is definitely one of them …
My skin crawls. My shoulders scrunch up. My ears bleed. And I look like someone just decided to pee in my beloved Mountain Dew and now I must think of ways to torture said person. In myriad ways involving fire ants and salt.
My utter dislike of this phrase (and slightly less, the use of the term “groovy”) stems originally from high school when people who annoyed or irked me used this phrase and my dislike of the speaker carried over to the phrase. It probably also stems from the fact that the phrase “cool beans” sounds so rediculously stupid emerging from someone’s mouth.
I’ll be honest, I probably use phrases that could be labeled the same way. “Awesome” springs to mind. “Fuckin’ A” is another good one. “I’m fucking awesome” could be a good combo when you feel like using some psuedo over-confidence. “That’s fucking awesome.” or “That’s fucking fabulous.” also work. Note: I enjoy swearing. As if that wasn’t obvious to you …
So let’s spring forward a few years … nine to 11 years to be exact … to my current existence and I find myself working on a regular basis with someone who uses the phrases “cool beans” and “groovy” on a regular basis. As in “Hey, I finished up that project.” “Oh, cool beans!”
I thought at first, it might be a sad joke. Something said in sarcasm. But nope. No, not all. And since I would never tell this person how much I detest the phrases for fear of hurting their feelings and/or letting my inner-bitch out to play for too long, I just cringe and take it. Fight the bile that boils up into my mouth and take it.
Until this morning.
This morning in my kitchen. Still wearing my pyjamas.
And for some reason, totally unbeknownst to me standing their in my pyjamas still trying to wake up, my boyfriend asks me what we want to do for dinner tonight and I should decide and e-mail him later. To which I respond “I don’t know. I’ll e-mail you this afternoon”.
And he says in return “Cool Beans.”
And then I promptly lost all feeling in my extremities and blood began to pour out of my ears as my head snapped around on my neck and I growled “Don’t ever say that again!”
Seriously, does he want me to break up with him? Did some evil spirit take over his soul this weekend in Saint Louis?! If we were married, I’d probably need to consult a lawyer.
But I swallowed my pain and politely explained how much I detest the phrase, how my coworker uses it all the time to my physical, emotional and mental discomfort and how much I would apppreciate it if he never uttered those words again. Thank you Sweetie.
To which he promptly replied “Cool Beans!” and laughed his ass off, explaining he didn’t know why he said it to begin with, but now he was going to use it to annoy me.
This Is War!