Rules for Those Visiting Wisconsin …

I got this from my friend Meredith, a fellow Wisconsin girl living out in Rhode Island … it made me laugh out loud, so I’m posting it.

And no I really don’t mind big cities, but people do pick on us for this stuff and we will kick your butt. 😉

Rules for Those Visiting Wisconsin:
1) Don’t order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Al’s Lodge. It’s a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen they’ll kick your butt.

2) Don’t laugh at the names of our little towns (Sheboygan, Menomonee, Nekoosa, Prairie du Chien, etc.) or we will just have to kick your butt.

3) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don’t refer to us as a bunch of hicks or we’ll kick your butt.

4) We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living here. Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick his/her butt.

5) Don’t laugh at our giant fiberglass fish and cows. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards can’t be bad. And don’t laugh at our love and pride of cheese or we’ll kick your butt.

6) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut the heck up. Just spend your money and get the heck out of here or we’ll kick your butt.

7) Don’t order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone will instantly know that you’re a tourist. Eat your steak well-done like God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven’s sake! Also, don’t ask what a hot dish is or we’ll kick your butt.

8) Don’t try to fake a Wisconsin accent. We don’t have an accent. That will incite a riot and you will get your butt kicked.

9) Don’t talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited big-city hell-holes like Detroit, New York, and Chicago, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don’t like it here, Interstates 90, 94, 39, and 43 are ready when you are. Move your butt on home before it gets kicked.

10) Don’t complain that Wisconsin has too many mosquitoes and farm land. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we’ll kick your butt all the way back to Chicago.

11) Don’t ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners into your butt, just like they did ours.

12) So you think we’re quaint or losers because most of us live on the farm or in the woods? That’s because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our fresh air and we’ll kick your butt.

NaBloPoMo: Day 3



Filed under fluffernutter, friends, NaBloPoMo 2006

2 responses to “Rules for Those Visiting Wisconsin …

  1. East Coast Gurl

    I’ve only known two people from Wisconsin…some of these made me chuckle…just curious, which one was the funniest for you and why? I agree with the farm or woods one for sure…and the big cities one. Ok, back to work…

  2. Blondie

    Hey East Coast Gurl … I most identified with No. 3 about our heritage/literacy and No. 8 about Wisconsin accents.

    No. 3 because – and this could just be the bubble that is my life – but nearly every single person I know is well-read, well-educated, salt-of-the earth people. This stretches across ethnicities, incomes, etc. But I meet an awful lot of people from other states (mainly outside the midwest) that I swear only existed on bad reality television. And typically, these type of people always assume that being from Wisconsin makes you an overweight, uneducated hick. Hey people … cheese and beer makes you smart!! And gives you healthy bones and teeth.

    I do however still find it hilarious that people from outside of Wisconsin (even in Illinois!) don’t know what a true cheese curd is. Or a brat. Seriously … yum.

    And I also find it funny that most Wisconsinsites can outdrink anyone else. Our tolerances are huge people. We like beer.

    No. 8 because I know that various areas of the country have accents but you can never hear your own. People from outside of Wisconsin say we pronounce things funny … we say “Wiss-cahn-senn” with a long A. When I was in college in more northern Wisconsin and I was surrounded by people with much thicker accents, I picked it up too. So much so, that when I was in Australia, someone told me I sounded Canadian or from the movie Fargo. Living in Madison again has eliminated a lot of that I think.

    I guess both of these just hit on a main point, which is be nice. And Wisconsin rules.

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