I’m posting this just because when I was writing it, I made myself laugh out loud. On Sunday, I took my friend to our wonderful, free Zoo here in Madison. He had never been there and the weather was great, lots of families were milling around and a lot of the animals were out to see.
For the record, I absolutely LOVE zoos and aquariums and always want to go to them when traveling, so I’ve been to our local zoo about a zillion times in my life.
I also like to write fake news stories some times, to keep my creativity going. This one was inspired by my friend’s idea that sometime they should let the polar bear hang out with the seals and see what happens. Names of the Zoo and the polar bear have been changed to protect the innocent. Again, This did NOT happen.
Visitor’s Suggestion Causes Bloodbath at Local Zoo
MADISON, Wis. — Customer Relation specialists at Madison’s normally tranquil Memorial Zoo realized today that following every suggestion isn’t always a good idea.
A crowd of young children and parents stood in terrifying awe as the Zoo decided to let their popular polar bear, Norman, take a swim in the harbor seal exhibit this afternoon to “fight his boredom”. The ensuing melee was described as a “bloodbath” by one zoo visitor.
“We had just finished looking at the giraffes and were walking up to go see the new baby lions, when we heard all this splashing, seals barking in terror and people were running to the harbor seal exhibit,” said Suzie “Moonbeam” Andowski, a young mother sporting dreadlocks, and toting her small five-year-old son, Nader, in a furry tiger costume.
“You could see Norman walking out on the stone cliffs and he must have suddenly just realized his lunch was swimming in the pool and dove in. There was blood everywhere. Just gallons of it. And Norton was frothing at the mouth and he was turning dark pink with every new bite!”
Young Bobby Rogers, a nine-year old from Richland Center, Wis., visiting the Zoo with his parents, stood in shock after seeing a seal’s head ripped off by Norton’s deadly jaws. With his long, mullet-hair and sporty sweatpants, a single tear rolled down Bobby’s face as he recalled his terrifying lesson in nature’s circle of life.
“My mom had just finished telling me about seals and how they are in the Pinniped family and how we could go buy a cool pinniped poster for my bedroom at the gift shop when I saw Norton walk out of the door in the back,” the young boy said. “He was all quiet and sniffing and then he just got really excited like when our dog, Squeeky, at home smells a squirrel under a tree. But then he caught that seal and I couldn’t watch after that … there was just too much blood. And the seal’s poor little flippers kept flapping, even after his head was gone. They just kept flapping … “
At this time, Zoo officials are only saying it was a poor judgement call by the customer relations department based on a suggestion by a vistor from the weekend. After killing three of the exhibit’s five seals, the polar bear was captured after he stopping eating because they believe he was no longer hungry. Norman is now back sleeping in his own exhibit behind closed doors, although still a brilliant shade of crimson pink.
At the seal exhibit, a small memorial of seal toys, flowers and candles has been started by visitors at the now-closed seal exhibit. Donations of fish and seal chow are also being accepted. Zoo keepers also want to remind the public not to throw coins in the exhibit since seals don’t understand the concept of currency and might eat the money. Plus they don’t have pockets like Kangaroos to hold the coins in.
So, the end needs a little work. And it is a little gruesome, so sorry if you don’t appreciate this kind of humor. The people were based on persons we saw walking around the zoo. All walks of life visit the zoo on warm days. And I love people watching almost as much as the Zoo. 🙂
By the way, my friend wrote back and said “Hhahahahaha…flippers kept flapping. That would be sooo cool.” Seriously, guys just enjoy violence too much.